Taming “Needy” Behaviors.

You know I often talk about how important it is to avoid needy behavior when dealing with women online.  Well, here’s a letter from a subscriber that illustrates what can happen when you come on too strong:


I gotta problem. I met a woman a couple of weeks ago, and what a woman! She is just amazing and I cant get her out of my head. We have only met twice so far but spend over an hour on the phone very night. The first date was dinner at the yacht club and the 2nd we spent most of the night on the beach talking and drinking champagne. Sounds pretty good eh! So what’s the problem? Well, her ex really screwed her up. She’s not given me all the details yet but the result is that she has major trust issues and she shares she has ‘lost’ herself and does not know who she is or what she wants out of life anymore. She says she sees me as a great friend but does not know if she wants another relationship. Her last relationship was a marriage of about 20 years. I know it crazy but I think she is the one! How do I get her to break through her current negativity and realize that not all men will damage her in the way that her ex has.

My head is telling to give this woman a wide berth and look elsewhere but I just can’t because I would wonder what might have been if I stuck it out.


(My Response)


Ok, first of all… SLOW DOWN!

You need to take a deep breath here and give her some room to think.  I see two big problems here that stand out:

“but spend over an hour on the phone very night.”

It’s great that you two have a solid connection and that things seem to be going well, but you don’t want to be spending hours on the phone every night.

Are you familiar with attraction theory?  Things like giving her the gift of missing you and avoiding neediness?  When you come on too strong and suffocate women, it can lead to this…

“She says she sees me as a great friend but does not know if she wants another relationship.”

Bingo!  That tells you something right there.  She will rationalize it in her mind that she’s “not ready” to move onto someone else and her past relationship does factor in, but; you still need to do things right when it comes to building attraction.

Here’s what you should do… no contact for three days!  I mean no phone calls, texts, nothing!  See what happens.  I’m betting she will come to you.

Try and be patient and take things more slowly.  Let her know that you are still dating other women, which is what you should be doing anyway.

If she is “the one.”  You’ll know soon enough.


Remember, any time you display needy behavior, it lowers your value and a woman will thus become less attracted to you.

So what’s the answer??  Don’t do it!!  Always raise your perceived value in her eyes.  That’s the key to becoming successful with Online Dating.

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