Archive for May 2010

Newsflash: She’s NOT Interested!

I was just browsing around a dating advice forum and I saw a post from a guy who had an Online Dating challenge similar to what a LOT of guys face…

Here is what he said:

“I just started emailing back and forth with a woman I met online. After the third email, I thought its time to move this to setting up a date and meet face to face so I suggested we exchange pics, in which I initiated and attached a picture.

I didn’t hear back for 10 days and our communication has been such that we respond within 2-3 days. I sent her a quick “hmmm are you getting shy on me? :P” reply at which she replied: “Hey, just been really busy with work and family. I’ll msg you when things calm down.”

Normally I would just think ok the girl is busy I’ll just email some other chicks in the meantime. But I decided to call out what my intincts were telling me. So I did something I would never had done before, I emailed her back with this:

“Hey….I have a hunch that maybe your not interested in further communication just from you suddenly becoming “busy” and the reply you gave me.

An email doesn’t take alot of time even if your really busy, If that’s the case just be an adult about it and say that, its not a big deal. I don’t expect anything from you but I do expect honesty. I’m the type of person to be pretty direct, however if your genuinely interested in continuing chatting that’s cool.”

My Comments:

Oh, GREAT Caesar’s Ghost!!

I didn’t see whether or not this woman responded to his email but it’s safe to assume she bolted rather quickly! OK, what happened here? Well, this guy made SEVERAL critical mistakes and I don’t know where to begin.

First of all, ALWAYS make sure you have exchanged pics prior to any some online dating sites where you don’t have to post your picture, but it should be a requirement by now. Always know WHO you are talking to up front!

With that said, let’s move on. He sent her his picture and suddenly, things got really stagnant. He then sent her his; “Are you getting shy on me email” which really wasn’t too bad, BUT… Her response to that is what should have signaled the end of his pursuit!

“Hey, just been really busy with work and family. I’ll msg you when things calm down.”

Translation:

“I’m not really feeling it for you but I don’t want to say it, so I’ll give you this little clue and hopefully you’ll go away.”

I’ve seen it SO MANY times in my years dating online.

It’s similar to the “Take Care” email I talk about in my book. Basically, it means “game over.” Move onto other women and start sending out emails.

Well, this guy didn’t do that. Instead he sent an “angry guy” email. He DEMANDED honesty, and “how could she play around with him like this if she’s not interested?”

I also talk about the “Angry Guy” email in my book. It’s a common response from a guy who takes online dating TOO personally and tries to shame women for not being honest with him. Instead of just blowing it off and moving on, he sends her a DIRECT and STERN email, laying down the rules.

BIG MISTAKE! I’ve done this before too. It DOES NOT work! The best thing to do is move on. Also, a confident guy would NEVER send this kind of email to a woman. He assumes that every woman he emails is interested. He doesn’t need verification that she’s NOT.

So, remember this next time you get a similar response from a woman.

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Fishing Again!

I’ve found myself single once again and it’s time to go fishing.

Before, I always focused my online dating efforts on sites such as match.com and Yahoo Personals, but I’ve recently plunged into Plentyoffish, one of the more popular free online dating sites.

There are things I like and things I don’t.  Of course it being a free site is a good thing but with that comes drawbacks such as annoying advertising on most pages.  Advertisers are getting rather clever too with ad placement and appeal.  The other day I logged in to see who had “viewed me” and at the end of the row was a HOT looking woman, but upon further review I noticed this was an ad that looked similar to profile search results.

Crap!!

But, I DO like the women I’m seeing around there and I’ve already had some GREAT results after posting a brand new online dating profile.

Typical responses to my profile include:

“Thanks for making me laugh” or  “Your profile was so funny, the scary thing is that really happens!”

The latter was referring to a line at the end of my profile where I simply state:

“So, stop reading and start writing.  Besides, I KNOW you want nothing to do with the other guys around here.  I hear they are known for proposing to women on the FIRST date.  Yikes!!” So, I’ll start sending out messages too using some subject lines from my upcoming new ebook; “101 eye-catching email subject lines.” I’ll have plenty to choose from!

One more thing, almost EVERY woman I saw on there has some “requirements” at the end of her profile which say you must meet in order to message her.  POF has created this I suppose in an effort to match people more closely. And one of the requirements is almost always, “must not be looking or HAVE SEARCHED FOR casual hookups.”

So, keep this in mind when going fishing over there.

I will, of course, keep you updated on my experiences on Plentyoffish.

Stay tuned…

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